post yours
here's mine
I CALL RYAN 📞 THIS GUY 👨 IS MID BALL UP 🏀 I THINK 🤔 IM LIKE... FAM 😳 WHEN ARE YOU GONNA BE HOME 🏠 HES LIKE 😫 30 MINUTES 30 MINUTES 3️⃣ 0️⃣ IM CHILLIN RN 😎 IM LIKE 💅 COME HOME RIGHT NOW 😈 HES LIKE WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY 😕 IM LIKE 😳 YOU WANNA PLAY A MATCH 🔥 RING 📞 FOR IMT 👑 PLAY AGAINST T 1️⃣ IM COMING HOME RIGHT NOW. HE ZOOMED HOME, ZOOMED HOME, HOPS ON, TOP FRAGS. THAT BOY DIFFERENT.
BREAKING: Natus Vincere "enhanced training" regiment leaked:
8am - Group masturbation
9am - Group masturbation
10am - Group masturbation
11am - Group masturbation
12pm - Group masturbation
1pm - Vod review
2pm - Group masturbation
3pm - Group masturbation
4pm - Group masturbation
5pm - Group masturbation
6pm - Deathmatch
7pm - Scrimmage
8pm - Scrimmage
9pm - Group masturbation
10pm - Review demo
11pm - Solo masturbation
He visto jugar a Keznit, ni siquiera usa monitor. Visualiza el mapa en una representación detallada completamente en su mente, tiene un wallhack biológico, su percepción divina resalta a todos los enemigos dentro de años luz, tiene los ojos cerrados mientras el mouse se desplaza con gracia sobre la mesa haciendo movimientos inmaculados mientras pasa de una cabeza a otra, las balas que escapan del cañón de su arma son quirúrgicas cada una dando un golpe mortal ante los ojos de su oponente. Si Keznit tiene 100 fans soy uno de ellos, si tiene 10 fans soy uno de ellos, si tiene 1 fan soy ese, y si Keznit no tiene fans significa que yo me habré ido de este mundo.
here are some of my favorites
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I was walking on the streets and suddenly I saw all the Liquid players soaked wet on such a hot and sunny day. I went near them and asked why they are wet when it was not raining. They replied, "We are so washed that not even the sun could dry us." I felt sorry for them and gave them my handkerchief and walked away.
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I was on a date with my girlfriend. She seemed off. I asked her what was wrong, and she replied “Our relationship is Sentinels”
I burst into tears, our relationship was finished
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As an European it was always hard for me to understand American culture. What was fascinating for me is that they like bragging about their freedom which was weird for me, because I didn't think that I have any less freedom than them. I always thought 'What is the difference'. However after this game I finally understand it. NA is just so fucking free
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My dad beats me FeelsBadMan
My mom beats me FeelsBadMan
My brother beats me FeelsBadMan
My sister beats me FeelsBadMan
At least I feel safe with NA, because they can't beat anyone FeelsOkayMan
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STATS
(everyone knows this one)
STATS
mwzera https://tracker.gg/valorant/profile/riot/VK%20mwzera%234324/overview?playlist=competitive&season=all
cNed https://tracker.gg/valorant/profile/riot/ACE%20cNed%23carry/overview?season=all
TenZ https://tracker.gg/valorant/profile/riot/SEN%20TenZ%230505/overview?playlist=competitive&season=all
DEATHMATCH STATS
mwzera - 86% win rate (thats the insaniest thing ive seen in a while)
cNed - stats not availiable
TenZ - 73% win rate
RANKED STATS
mwzera - 66.3% winrate (MVP of 95% of the matches) proof here https://imgur.com/StiJmpg
cNed - 53.5% winrate (MVP of 13% of the matches)
TenZ - 60.4% winrate (MVP of 15% of the matches)
can you take your time to appreciate how insane mwzera is? without a doubt the most talented player to ever touch the game
I'll try to explain briefly why I think he is the best player in the world
Despite his insane aim and movement
The best way to know if a player is a good duelist is RAZE. There is a BIG difference between a good duelist and a jett abuser
If he is a good duelist, he needs to be good with raze.
heat? not good with raze
aspas? not good with raze
xand? not good with raze
tenz? not good with raze
cned? not good with raze
scream? not good with raze
d3ffo? not good with raze
derke? not good with raze
Thats why I think he is undoubtely the best player in the world. If RIOT by any means decides to nerf jett and shift the meta we prolly not gonna even hear names like cned and tenz again :>
He is not killing 40+ per map because when he joined VK he was forced to play a different role because heat is already a main jett... and lets be honest, every single duelist nowadays gets 20+ kills per map because team and setups are basically built around you (even steel managed to get 20 kills with it https://www.vlr.gg/29398/sentinels-vs-100-thieves-champions-tour-north-america-stage-3-challengers-playoffs-gf/?game=46692&tab=overview)
You know, I know. We all know that NRG lost to BLG on group stage. Well, truth to be told, and Ardiis if you're here, let's come clean now, enough of hiding the hard cold truth to everyone especially the fans. The reason why NRG lost is because of Ardiis. Why? Well look at this photo, https://twitter.com/Demon1___/status/1696216303319883910?s=19 it's Demon1 standing on the desk right? Well if NRG actually tried; they would win Champs 2023 easily. So if that is the case then Ardiis would be the one standing on top of the desk, but unlike Demon1, Ardiis is not as light as he is and would fall and embarrass himself because he was too heavy, the desk would not be able to support ardiis and would fall and break the desk. Everyone in LA would laugh including famous celebrities such as Elon Musk, Ben Affleck and Tyson Ngo; an embarrassment infront of this kind of a crowd is too embarrassing and would cause Ardiis to get dropped. I knew all of this so I'd already warn Ardiis and NRG about this so they intentionally lost to BLG twice for Ardiis' sake. He also gave me a thank you note that says "Bro, thank you bro, bro I appreciate you so much bro for doing this bro, you saved my life bro, you are my hero bro."
FNS has passed away from old age. Thousands come to his funeral to honor him. Saadhak shows up in a wheelchair to pay respects to his old rival. The funeral attendant tells Saadhak to open the casket to say goodbye. He opens the casket but only a note is left. "I'm not dead. I rotated B. Get owned." Saadhak yells at Aspas to go grab his Operator.
Ah, would ya look at this load o' blarney! Pujan "FNS" Mehta, the best Valorant player in the world, ye say? The lad doesn't even need a mouse and keyboard, he just uses his noggin, does he? Well, I'll tell ya, that's a load o' codswallop, it is! And the most humble player in the world, ya say? Ha! Humble me arse! If he's always talking and yappin' away, I'd say he's more full of himself than a peacock struttin' its feathers. Sure, some folks might be a bit green-eyed with envy, but that doesn't mean they're wrong. There's plenty of talented players out there, and claimin' that FNS is the bee's knees without provin' it on the field is nothin' but hot air. And to think he's the reason Valorant is popular? Now that's just pushin' it, mate. Valorant's success is a team effort, not just one fella. So, next time ya meet FNS, maybe give him a polite nod and carry on, 'cause there's no need for all this malarkey.
[11:58AM JST, MASTERS TOKYO STAGE]
Boaster K-pop dances up the ramp of the Masters Tokyo stage as his team follows behind him.
As they sit down in their SECRET LAB chairs, Chronicle asks Leo: "What maps are we playing?"
Leo responds coldly: "Bind, Haven, and Split." Those are the only four words he's said all day.
Chronicle's eyes light up as he hears this. Those were the same three maps played in the Grand Final of Masters Berlin in 2021, where Gambit destroyed Envy.
He leans back in his chair like aspas on sleeping pills, as he knows that this will be the easiest match of his career.
But before he can drift off, the shine of Derke's head pierces his eyes. Kamyk is vigorously wiping it to increase the bald buff, but quickly stops after realising Alfajer hasn't been provided with enough breakfast to play at his full potential.
As the game loads in, Mini reminds everyone that if they ever buy full shields, they're getting dropped at the earliest opportunity.
Chronicle takes a deep breath and looks over at NRG. However, FNS has read this and is already staring back.
This game won't be easy.
Fnatic then proceed to win 2-0, only dropping a single round to a s0m spray transfer ace.
Boy oh boy where do I even begin. stax... honey, my pookie bear. I have loved you ever since I first laid eyes on you. The way you drive into the paint and strike fear into your enemies eyes. Your silky smooth ascent retakes and that gorgeous calling. I would do anything for you. I wish it were possible to freeze time so I would never have to watch you retire. You had a rough childhood, but you never gave up hope. You are even amazing off the court, you're a great husband and father, sometimes I even call you dad. I forvever dread and weep, thinking of the day you will one day retire. I would sacrifice my own life it were the only thing that could put a smile on your beautiful face. You have given me so much joy, and heartbreak over the years. I remember when I first watched you play in Reykjavík and its like my heart had found how to beat again. a tear still fell from my right eye when I watched you first choke in coppenhagen, because deep down, my glorious king you didnt deserve it. I just wanted you to hold a tropy. But alas, you couldnt, my sweet baby boy then you started to lead this squad without zestkr. 2023 was a hard year for us baby, but in 2024 you will make history happen. You will come back to that istanbul form and your opponents wont believe it. I will be crying, bawling even, and when I see my glorious king kiss his mouse and wave sentinels away after winning the finals to champions. Not only have you changed the meta of valorant and the world forever, but you've eternally changed my world. And now you're getting older, but still the goat, my goat. I love you pookie bear, my glorious king, stax.
Hello Mr. Valorant, I am a licensed ophtamologist located here in Tampa, Florida. Based on your proximity to the monitor I highly recommend a blue light filter in your lenses. Our office is willing to provide you with a free pair if you send us your prescription (dated within the most recent year). We aim to provide quality lenses for aspiring talent such as yourself. Let me know if you are interested. Dr. Thomas.
It's 2046. I'm still watching the fnatic x m3c match. I had 4 children. Nats retired and now his son plays for him. Derke has over 3000 kills and fnatic has a map point but redgar grabs a 1v5 at 2hp. My wife left me.
Jinggg became what everyone feared. His eyelids disappeared, his head was swelling and his ears started bleeding. “Are you okay JJ” asks f0rsaken. "I’ve never been better Jason, I see it all now, they’re not going A or B. They’re going home,"
i was having fun at the waterslide when suddenly i noticed a big shadow covering the entire pool i looked up and there i saw him, Ardiis. He was coming straight for me, he jumped into the pool and the velocity of the wave that followed knocked me unconcious.
When i woke up i was chained in a cold and dirty room and there he was, streaming the popular shooter game VALORANT on Twitch while talking to his chat, somehow he managed to say the word "bro" 254 times in just 3 sentences how is that even possible?? I quickly realised that the chains were actually made of chocolate, confused (and mainly hungry) i started licking and sucking them as fast as i could and managed to crawl out of the room -that i presumed was probably his mothers basement- while remaining unseen.
I searched around the house for an exit and i quickly found the front door. As soon as i exited the building i saw a horde of angry Brazilians holding blowtorches and pitchforks chanting at ardiis and calling him a racist and a loser. I didn't really care so i tried to get out of the scene as soon as possible but just as i was about to step out of the house, ardiis put his enormous hand on my shoulder and whispered with a soft and melodic tone in my ear "You're not going anywhere pumpkin pie" and "Daddy's gonna take care of this swifly". He stepped out of the house and suddenly yelled "WATCH THIS" as he flamboyantly dashed into the air and suddenly made 5 knives materialise around him. He used the knives to effortlessly tap every single brazilian in the area.
I was so afraid, blood was spilled everywhere. When it all was over ardiis looked in my direction and i knew that it was over, if they didnt stand a chance, then i wouldnt either, so i just gave up. Ardiis started walkingin my direction each step making the ground shake. When he got to me he just sat down on me saying that i got cold and he needed to warm me up. After a while he took me inside the smelly basement again and took his clothes off. He started smelling me and licking my ear, and then he suddenly got very embarrased and told me i can just leave.
Turns out that this was a huge misunderstanding, this whole time he thought that i was a chocolate egg and he wanted to eat me. The disappointment on his face when he realized the mistake he had done was palpable, a tangible testament to the depth of his sorrow.
Ardiis stared at the burger in his hand. Normally, he loved chowing down on his Big Mac like he chowed on these beta players like Cned or Nukkye or Sayf. But not today. Today, this burger was a sign of his failure. The double patties of meat reminded him not of succulent juicy beef but only the mighty veiny vascular muscles of Stax. The seeded bread buns? It was Stax’s cheeks as he squatted on Ardiis’s face. The tomato? It was his blood dripping off Stax’s knife. The mayo? You know what it is.
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