well well well what do we have here... nothing I love more in life than the feeling of sweet, savory victory... before you embarrass your 0 team region more i suggest you find an airport with a one way ticket back to sao paulo
hmm also I wonder what happened the last time the greatest team ever (fnc) played a br0nzil team in sao paulo
ggez

aspas will be dropping 0 today

This match is going to be an absolute banger. At what point do you think CHICHOO gets up to blow nAts live on stage?

Yep, i'm ready. my LOS NINOS team is going to absolutely smother their cock and balls all over this tier 3 organization. the thing is, i already see whats happened. Sylvan is utterly bitter and rightfully so after being the punching bag of the team (even though he was very clearly the reason they won bangcock dont @ me) and has placed the 1000 year CURSE OF RA on the T1 organization so that they get absolutely shit on by my goat benjamin david fish 𓇋 𓎢𓅲𓂋𓋴𓅂 𓇌𓅱𓅲𓂋 𓋴𓉔𓇋𓏏 𓅱𓂋𓎼𓄿𓈖𓇋𓊃𓄿𓏏𓇋𓅱𓈖 𓏏 𓃉 𓄿𓈖𓂧 𓇋𓏏𓋴 𓄿𓈖𓎢𓅂𓋴𓏏𓅱𓂋𓋴 𓆑𓅱𓂋 𓅂𓆯𓅂𓂋 𓄿𓈖𓂧 𓅂𓆯𓅂𓂋

Honestly, the fact that Made in Bronz7-1l (MiBR) have even made it this far is beyond me, and let me tell you why.
Aspas originally left Leviatan because he wanted to play with his friend "nzr," who was also initially supposed to play on the Leviatan roster but was snaked by the managers for a top-tier NA talent in C0M. Eventually, aspas joined MIBR as the captain steering the ship so to speak, but there was just one problem about the roster that everyone seemed to notice: nzr is absolutely and utterly dogshit at the game of valulrant.

So, once again, nzr was snaked by the management of Br0nz7-1lian team in order to make way for top-tier NA talent in Verno, only this time Verno is a much less proven player in terms of achievement and actually might have been a worse addition for the team given language barriers, issues with his comming (C0Mming lul) as well as his work ethic. But MiBR didn't seem to care because nzr just happens to be that utterly dogshit at the video game. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter as long as aspas and verno are both in form and look like they don't want to slaughter each other after every map. like lowk they might actually fucking hate each other. anyways fuck br0nzil and ur region lmfoaooaoaoaoaoaooaoo

yeah I'm already picturing the matchup right now. giantx is going to realize that they're going to go to playoffs if theyre able to win this match and theyre going to walk on stage with actual piss sloshing in their whitey tighties. meanwhile, paper rex players will literally be meditating and making blood sacrifices to each other in order to win this game and secure their spot in playoffs. cloud will completely forget how to fundamentally play and jinggg will be teabagging and taking a monster shit on his corpse. PRX 2-0 GX and it will not be close

quite literally the greatest to ever do it

putting the house on FURIA, wish me luck ♥️

DISBAND FURIA

I WAS HERE TRACK BY TRACK LETS GO PRX

Jinggg actually lives under a bridge because he is a fucking troll

I can see how this matchup will go. Paper Rex is probably going to pick Lotus as the first map given that they are the best team in the world on that map, and something (not the player) in their brains will activate. You see, the entire reason that Paper Rex were able to turn it around so surprisingly is from one simple trick- coach Aleks installed neural chips in each of the players brains to mentally block them from throwing. While the technology isn't foolproof, given that they've tossed a few antiecos here and there to shit cans at this tournament, it's strong enough to carry them into the grand finals.

However, something (no, still not the player) is different about grand final matches. You see, Aleks still doesn't have the technology to upgrade the neural chips to keep them from throwing grand final matches at international events. So, when the time comes, the PRX players will be neurologically compelled to throw ez rounds to give FNATIC their 3rd international trophy. GG's, well played something (yes the player this time.)

it was satire but okay

correction: satire, but I think TH will beat Wolves and scrape through the Swiss stage. PRX is fine but I'm not as confident

We begin our story with each of our heroes on black and white posters simply labeled "MISSING." Lets face it- in that PRX game, TH looked like they were lost. However, they're back on the big stage against China.

China– a region TH knows well. They farmed (eliminated) all three Chinese frauds from the tournament before taking second place. They faced off against EDG at Champions Seoul before being bitched on Abyss– straight belt-to-ass shit.

After missing Bangkok (unlucky) they're back at Masters in Toronto– but they're nowhere to be seen. The team that we once loved... completely missing, fighting a literal 0v5 to get completely farmed by the 6th place APAC team who have no right to be at this tournament in the first place (and YES, will be getting CLAPPED by TL in round 3).

They're a team known for farming the most fraudulent region in the VCT– but if they can't be found once again, and fast, there may be no hope for this team of young men.

BOASTER CRAZY LOCK IN

My prediction for this game:

Team Liquid (Shit) find themselves on Fracture once again. Kamyk is heard talking to nAts in the voice chat: "Please, nAts, please let me play the Sage, I promise I won't troll this time." nAts sighs slightly, but remains nonchalant and calm.

"Hokay, kamyk, but you have to call me daddy."
Kamyk is stunned by this request. "N-nani?! nAts, what are you saying?"

"You heard me kamyk. Call me daddy."
Kamyk softly whispers into the mic. "Please let me pick Sage... daddy..." nAts simply smiles. "Good boy."

Team Liquid later find themselves pushing the A Site through drop. Kamyk accidentally misses the wall that walls site and instead walls off the team... again. While shooting the wall, nAts dies to FUT yetujelq in sands.

nAts sighs loudly, calmly stands up and removes his headphones. He looks over at Kamyk to find him stuffing the tip of an Elmer's glue bottle up his nose. Without so much as a word, nAts rips the glue from his nose and rams it into his colon. Heh, that'll show him not to mess with my oni-chan Liquid nAts.

well well well

PUT THE NA ROSTER BACK IN

thought this was a suicide note on vlr.gg by the title

least obvious bait. oxy is overrated btw

https://www.vlr.gg/pickem/0f64a27b

Am I cooking?

Truly the Lakia of Valorant

the Lakia of Valorant strikes again

I can picture the matchup now. Map 1, Bind. MIBR are down 2-4, they need to come up with something to stop LEV from snowballing the half. Mazin has an idea. He holds TAB to check the economy. "Hey ShahZam, you have ult for this next round. I think we should-"

.."I know, Matheus."

The voice channel goes silent. Mazin is seen squirming in his Secret Lab gaming chair, intimidated by the intellectual superiority of the one and only Shahzeb Khan. How could he have disrespected him like that?

"Mazin, I'd know you'd never say that to me in real life."

Mazin looks over about 12 feet to his left. "I deeply apologize, my lustrous blonde king. Please, guide us." ShahZam confidently smirks. "Here's what we're going to do. We're all going to hit A through short. We're going to overwhelm Aspas on site."

At the plan executes, something awakes within Aspas. He remembers the tweets. The banter. "Dogshit region..." zombs words echo in his mind. He can't let ShahZam beat him. Not this time. Not ever. He gets four kills, leaving the last player, ShahZam, to be stabbed in the back by a flanking C0M. Absolute cinema.

Dear BuZz, my world, my glorious king,

You played amazing today. I loved every moment of it. The way your Jett knives elegantly strike the domes of these tier 2 pigs brings great pleasure to my dopamine receptors. The smooth movements your hand makes across the fine fabric mousepad fills me up with awe. I shall always support you, my glorious king. ♥️ 👑

Hear ye! To BuZz, my star, my wonderful silence.

is your whole life this joyless

my prediction for this game:

NRG and Sentinels are on map 3. NRG is down 12-0. FNS looks frazzled, bewildered even, by the strats that Kaplan has cooked up. Suddenly, he feels a grumbly in his tummy. It's the Taco Bell DoorDash from last night. He rushes to the bathroom. The tech pause timer runs out after 20 minutes. When all hope was lost, NRG heard a voice behind them. "Nah, I'd win." It's BLD yay, ready to game. He instalocks Chamber and aces. Every single round. TenZ is spotted weeping in his iBUYPWR gaming chair, knowing whats about to come. NRG win 14-12 and guarantee a loss against MiBR next week.

2-0 PRX, Jinggg drops 55

It will go to OT on G2's map pick but PRX will win easily on their map pick

1/3 Chinese frauds out of Masters, 2 more to go

just cause your team didnt qualify doesnt mean its a mickey mouse toruney

nrg dogshit stay broke

M80 2-0 vs MID

13-0-------13-013-0----------------------------------13-013-013-0
13-0-----13-0------13-0---------------------------- 13-0---------13-0
13-0------------------13-0----------------------------13-0------------13-0
13-0-----------13-0-13-0------13-013-0------13-0-------------13-0
13-0-------------------13-0------13-013-0------13-0-------------13-0
13-0-------------------13-0---------------------------13-0-----------13-0
13-0-----13-0-------13-0----------------------------13-0---------13-0
13-0---------13-013-0--------------------------------13-013-013-0

⚠️ WARNING ⚠️

PLAYER: QCK1
STATUS: FRAUDULENT

REMOVE FROM VCT AT EARLIEST NOTICE.

WHAT COLOR IS IIIIIT

13-0-------13-013-0----------------------------------13-013-013-0
13-0-----13-0------13-0---------------------------- 13-0---------13-0
13-0------------------13-0----------------------------13-0------------13-0
13-0-----------13-0-13-0------13-013-0------13-0-------------13-0
13-0-------------------13-0------13-013-0------13-0-------------13-0
13-0-------------------13-0---------------------------13-0-----------13-0
13-0-----13-0-------13-0----------------------------13-0---------13-0
13-0---------13-013-0--------------------------------13-013-013-0

Tom Misch // What Kinda Music

EG 3-2 G2 calling it now

4/5 ACEND frauds out of VCT

They're literal criminals LOL

who let you cook

immortal

So i dont think its weird, its just different. Maybe different is good

Yeah, I feel like nitr0 needs to grind Astra. While he definitely has been practicing, not mastered it yet. Also, triple initiator? As long as it includes, Skye it should be okay. Metas change all the time.