i was having fun at the waterslide when suddenly i noticed a big shadow covering the entire pool i looked up and there i saw him, Ardiis. He was coming straight for me, he jumped into the pool and the velocity of the wave that followed knocked me unconcious.

When i woke up i was chained in a cold and dirty room and there he was, streaming the popular shooter game VALORANT on Twitch while talking to his chat, somehow he managed to say the word "bro" 254 times in just 3 sentences how is that even possible?? I quickly realised that the chains were actually made of chocolate, confused (and mainly hungry) i started licking and sucking them as fast as i could and managed to crawl out of the room -that i presumed was probably his mothers basement- while remaining unseen.

I searched around the house for an exit and i quickly found the front door. As soon as i exited the building i saw a horde of angry Brazilians holding blowtorches and pitchforks chanting at ardiis and calling him a racist and a loser. I didn't really care so i tried to get out of the scene as soon as possible but just as i was about to step out of the house, ardiis put his enormous hand on my shoulder and whispered with a soft and melodic tone in my ear "You're not going anywhere pumpkin pie" and "Daddy's gonna take care of this swifly". He stepped out of the house and suddenly yelled "WATCH THIS" as he flamboyantly dashed into the air and suddenly made 5 knives materialise around him. He used the knives to effortlessly tap every single brazilian in the area.

I was so afraid, blood was spilled everywhere. When it all was over ardiis looked in my direction and i knew that it was over, if they didnt stand a chance, then i wouldnt either, so i just gave up. Ardiis started walkingin my direction each step making the ground shake. When he got to me he just sat down on me saying that i got cold and he needed to warm me up. After a while he took me inside the smelly basement again and took his clothes off. He started smelling me and licking my ear, and then he suddenly got very embarrased and told me i can just leave.

Turns out that this was a huge misunderstanding, this whole time he thought that i was a chocolate egg and he wanted to eat me. The disappointment on his face when he realized the mistake he had done was palpable, a tangible testament to the depth of his sorrow.

Consider this a new mega-thread for your favourite VLR and general Valorant copypastas.

• Do not include repeats.

• Self-created pastas must be widespread enough by popular opinion (determined by upvotes).

• Linking an original pasta post is good, but not necessary.

• No obvious dog-whistles, hate speech etc.

• Replies are okay, however keep to a minimum to ensure readability.

You may easily refer to this list to take a pasta, or post to preserve one that you think is dying out. This is about maintaining history, and manifesting a digital legacy of this website.
Contributions appreciated.

When I was around 8 years old there was a massive gas leak in my school. I was playing basketball in the basement gym at the time, and hadn't noticed. As my teammates and I were packing up to leave, a massive pipe burst in the locker room, the sudden release of pressure knocked out a kid. We panicked but when trying to leave, we realized the doors were still locked due to the coach having the only exit key at the time. By the time my aunt called the fire brigade when she realized I wasn't home, it had already been 2 hours. Some of us found refuge in the upper level of the building, but sadly we could only drag the kid who was knocked out, to just by the door to leave before the fumes made us light headed. That kid grew up to be Boostio.

Guess you're the only fruit at this stall

He actually stole my mother's dog back when he lived in Massachusetts , look it up.

That was a harrowing experience. I genuinely became afraid. Hugging my pregnant wife rn.

Petition to remove Zellsis in favour of Marved.

If we can change the team makeup to be 3 fifths Canadian, then we can firmly claim a Canadian team entering the playoffs.

Some might look to Sacy to be replaced, but I just like the cut of his jib! Marved can flex easily, as he is very strong and brolic.

I just want to be ready for when she does. I am dripping with anticipation and excitement at the prospect of it!

Brilliant. I genuinely giggled, had to roll over and show my pregnant husband. You won the internet today!!!! Consider yourself duly updooted kind stranger!

Got any grapes?

I was given inside information that you're apparently an AI bot developed by China to moderate VLR undercover. Mind you, this was in one of nexus_nomad's asinine ramblings, but it was extremely convincing.

Yeah, it aligns with her job.

Please add a block button that prevents me from seeing certain users' posts, thank you.

I don't hate anyone in particular, I want to filter out everyone to the point that only my aunt is visible to me.

bien fait

Mr. Goudas, Ayelez, Qwertyyy, Gamr.... wow...

https://youtu.be/uqkLUhwlRmg?si=j0ssPWiDZhdO2800

triple bump

Hello juju112. The wind has whispered stories of you.

Bump for fun

https://www.vlr.gg/369961/everyone-come-serious

you have a yt channel?

Can you do a hand reveal at 80 likes

I just realized his name wasn't Simpson, but instead simp 4 s0m. This is disgusting news.

You know you don't HAVE to comment on a post

Unproven, baseless even. Unfortunate take from a respected admin of TMV.

NRG was NEVER good, ardiis was a double agent still looking for that chocolate egg.

He's playing for the 2025 season odds already

Better movement, plus being tired of Dasnerth's shotgunning. Teammates will let him run wild cus who tf cares at this point

How badly BiliBili still clears FNS.
It has been 332 Days since either of them have attended an international event. Since the double time 2-0 against America's largest cranium.

What is worse, is that due to the non-quals of NRG, we simply cannot even rate them higher than any VCT China team, as they have yet to prove themselves against a Chinese team.
I have a solution.

Deprive the NRG players of their chef. Remove them from the castle. Drop them in the Fengshui woodland of a tiny village. Refrain from making Sam and Victor guide them (Crashies would try). Learn the ways of the BiliBiler on the one XiaoMi phone they have been provided.

However, to facilitate this, they must train in order to properly acclimate to the environment.

No, I want big corporate teams that have such nebulous management the players don't know who they work for. I want there to be roster moves decided by a consultancy firm. I want shareholder value to be maximized.

I think Zander got trialed by several teams but he ultimately decided to stay on M80 (iirc)

He singled her out, despite so many other coaches not having proved themsleves yet either. Plus, lockin was literally the start of franchising, to have made such a judgement prior to it seems pretty ill-advised. It just reeked of sexism considering he hadn't spoken about any other coach in a similar situation at the time. Also she is my aunt so I got especially mad.

I had almost rolled out of bed onto the floor in pure excitement, if only bernie sanders could personally anoint this post with karma! fwiw, I am a top ranking executive at a not for profit, I will use some of the profits to render upon this post one (1) discerning award! Gold!

Idk, M80 has many notable users. Even I wouldn't qualify for this list.

His account is no more though, so you can change it if you want

EG should have been Cresp 😢

What do you know about good ass, nutab1e?

Who made this copypasta anyway, I want to thank them. ERMM You sir have just won the internet! A billion reddit gold for you!!!! HAHA, rolled over and showed this to my pregnant wife

Bump? Idk, this guy is growing on me

English or Spanish

I am also at work. We should work together.

I also wasn't serious. Being Turkish is awesome. I love you.

Meet me at the Eaton Center in 20 minutes. We can open Pokemon cards together.

Academic dishonesty is frowned upon by bruhmphrey, but I will allow it because being Turkish isn't easy in this day and age.

I thought I told you to stop making AI slop

Obviously not, I'm just insane.

Back during the original rostermania, George C. Geddes was the number 1 reporter, at the bleeding edge of developing moves, at the forefront of twitter news.

Then, he became weird. His microfame got to him. Started texting random women.

What was worst of all, however, was one of his takes.

He dared to call for Potter's removal. Said she must be reconsidered as coaching material.

Potter is my aunt irl, and she wasn't upset by this. She was invigorated by the fact so many misogynist haters, who she has had to prove wrong throughout her career, were still showing up out the woodwork. Now she had the chance to truly silence those frauds.

RIP George Geddes. You are not missed.

#LiveEvil

That's okay. I hope you are able to still partake in activities in your school/community! Have a great day:)

This is literally my alt, bruhmphrey on top

Kinda makes me sad. I hope he has real friends :(