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Post the funniest copypastas yall have

posted in Off Topic
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#1
Eldy

Ill start:

can we honestly e date? you’re so beautiful. You always make me laugh, you always make me smile. You literally make me want to become a better person... I really enjoy every moment we spend together. My time has no value unless its spent with you. I tell everyone of my irls how awesome you are. Thank you for being you. Whenever you need someone to be there for you, know that i’ll always be right there by your side. I love you so much. I don’t think you ever realize how amazing you are sometimes. Life isn’t as fun when you’re not around. You are truly stunning. I want you to be my soulmate. I love the way you smile, your eyes are absolutely gorgeous. If I had a star for everytime you crossed my mind i could make the entire galaxy. Your personality is as pretty as you are and thats saying something. I love you, please date me. I am not even calling it e dating anymore because I know we will meet soon enough heart OK I ADMIT IT I LOVE YOU OK i hecking love you and it breaks my heart when i see you play with someone else or anyone commenting in your profile i just want to be your girlfriend and put a heart in my profile linking to your profile and have a walltext of you commenting cute things i want to play video games talk in discord all night and watch a movie together but you just seem so uninsterested in me it hecking kills me and i cant take it anymore i want to remove you but i care too much about you so please i’m begging you to eaither love me back or remove me and never contact me again it hurts so much to say this because i need you by my side but if you dont love me then i want you to leave because seeing your icon in my friendlist would kill me everyday of my pathetic life.

#2
4rrowlol
12
Frags
+

Hey guys, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is the most compatible Pokémon for humans? Not only are they in the field egg group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vaporeon are an average of 3”03’ tall and 63.9 pounds, this means they’re large enough to be able handle human dicks, and with their impressive Base Stats for HP and access to Acid Armor, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly water based biology, there’s no doubt in my mind that an aroused Vaporeon would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily have sex with one for hours without getting sore. They can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll Eyes, Captivate, Charm, and Tail Whip, along with not having fur to hide nipples, so it’d be incredibly easy for one to get you in the mood. With their abilities Water Absorb and Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other Pokémon comes close to this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vaporeon turn white. Vaporeon is literally built for human dick. Ungodly defense stat+high HP pool+Acid Armor means it can take cock all day, all shapes and sizes and still come for more

#3
aylez
12
Frags
+

ardiis at the waterpark

#13
CryoZanderDerrekEnjoyer
0
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why is this funny lmao

upvote

#22
Eldy
10
Frags
+

i was having fun at the waterslide when suddenly i noticed a big shadow covering the entire pool i looked up and there i saw him, Ardiis. He was coming straight for me, he jumped into the pool and the velocity of the wave that followed knocked me unconcious.

When i woke up i was chained in a cold and dirty room and there he was, streaming the popular shooter game VALORANT on Twitch while talking to his chat, somehow he managed to say the word "bro" 254 times in just 3 sentences how is that even possible?? I quickly realised that the chains were actually made of chocolate, confused (and mainly hungry) i started licking and sucking them as fast as i could and managed to crawl out of the room -that i presumed was probably his mothers basement- while remaining unseen.

I searched around the house for an exit and i quickly found the front door. As soon as i exited the building i saw a horde of angry Brazilians holding blowtorches and pitchforks chanting at ardiis and calling him a racist and a loser. I didn't really care so i tried to get out of the scene as soon as possible but just as i was about to step out of the house, ardiis put his enormous hand on my shoulder and whispered with a soft and melodic tone in my ear "You're not going anywhere pumpkin pie" and "Daddy's gonna take care of this swifly". He stepped out of the house and suddenly yelled "WATCH THIS" as he flamboyantly dashed into the air and suddenly made 5 knives materialise around him. He used the knives to effortlessly tap every single brazilian in the area.

I was so afraid, blood was spilled everywhere. When it all was over ardiis looked in my direction and i knew that it was over, if they didnt stand a chance, then i wouldnt either, so i just gave up. Ardiis started walkingin my direction each step making the ground shake. When he got to me he just sat down on me saying that i got cold and he needed to warm me up. After a while he took me inside the smelly basement again and took his clothes off. He started smelling me and licking my ear, and then he suddenly got very embarrased and told me i can just leave.

Turns out that this was a huge misunderstanding, this whole time he thought that i was a chocolate egg and he wanted to eat me. The disappointment on his face when he realized the mistake he had done was palpable, a tangible testament to the depth of his sorrow.

#29
CryoZanderDerrekEnjoyer
0
Frags
+

just "ardiis at the waterpark" was funny af but this shit is hilarious

#4
Eldy
2
Frags
+

You motherfuckers don’t even know what the real GRIND is, I have been grinding whole my life to get where I am today. I have been grinding when there was no online qualifiers every 2nd week, no Tier2 events to prove yourself anywhere, no faceit or whatsoever.

#5
cryyBAE
5
Frags
+

Give me the stats

#7
Eldy
4
Frags
+

STATS

yay https://tracker.gg/valorant/profile/riot/C9%20yay%23yey/overview
suygetsu https://tracker.gg/valorant/profile/riot/NAVI%20suygetsu%230105/overview
khalil https://tracker.gg/valorant/profile/riot/FURIA%20khalil%23bstrd/overview

COMP STATS
yay - 60% win rate (MVP 33% of most recent matches)
suygetsu - 57% win rate (MVP 0% of most recent matches)
khalil - 48% win rate (MVP 17% of most recent matches)

can you take your time to appreciate how insane yay is? without a doubt the most talented player to ever touch the game

I'll try to explain briefly why I think he is the best player in the world
Despite his insane aim and movement
The best way to know if a player is a good duelist is JETT. There is a BIG difference between a good duelist and a raze abuser
If he is a good duelist, he needs to be good with jett.

cryo? not good with jett
fit1nho? not good with jett
xand? not good with jett
qw1? not good with jett
scream? not good with jett
jinggg? not good with jett
suggest? not good with jett

Thats why I think he is undoubtely the best player in the world. If RIOT by any means decides to nerf raze and shift the meta we prolly not gonna even hear names like jinggg and fit1nho again :>
He is not killing 40+ per map because when he joined C9 he was forced to play a different role because of chamber nerf... and lets be honest, every single duelist nowadays gets 20+ kills per map because team and setups are basically built around you (even steel managed to get 20 kills with it https://www.vlr.gg/29398/sentinels-vs-100-thieves-champions-tour-north-america-stage-3-challengers-playoffs-gf/?game=46692&tab=overview)

#8
TmhariMummy
2
Frags
+

I wanna post one but vlr says post body contains too much meaningless content ☠️☠️

#9
CryoZanderDerrekEnjoyer
4
Frags
+

why so quiet?

why NA frogs cry so free? dont cry about coach when up 2-0 but when sonder becomes a bot you guys start crying about coach debuff XD

xdd na so free, always excuses when lose xdd when sentineLs lose berlin NA frogs go "save strats" xdd

cope harder, EU always wins LAN when we dont decide to throw so NA frogs keep watching

first reverse sweep at an international LAN btw

As a Romanian it was always hard for me to understand American culture. What was fascinating for me is that they like bragging about their freedom which was weird for me, because I didn't think that I have any less freedom than them. I always thought 'What is the difference'. However after this game I finally understand it. NA is just so free.

I was American SR fan, I loved FLOWERFUL but she left and I'm G2G Fan Now.
My New Name Is Fredrich Schumacher.
我来自EU,我最喜欢的球队是 G2 Gozen.
You Can Support G2 Like Me ,Come Join Us

NA, also more commonly known as "No Achievements" is the categorically worst Region at VALORANT. They are so bad that "Br0nzil, Region owned by TenzedZombie", beat them in the grand finals. No Achievements is the world-leading VALORANT region at speedrunning 0 VALORANT Champions victories in the world, marginally beating out APAC, more commonly known as "Arrive at Airport and Achievements Cucked". They are commonly the best Region in the world at trash talking EMEA, commonly known as "Every Masters Every Achievement" while only having won 2 Masters and 0 VCT Champions and 0 VCT GC Champions. NA players cope so hard, but here are the stats:

Sonder: botfrag
Flowerful: hard carry
KP: has played in VCT but even she couldn't carry NA, neither could Bob (but shes obvs very good when she isnt a fraud)
beNIta: judge OTP
who even is their 5th?

C9W: lul who bob jizzyk1ns and LeL carry so hard

AND LOST KEKW

NA, also commonly abbreviated to "No Activity" is the world-leading VALORANT region in the world at being overweight. It is said that the common man from NA is so obese that his waistline can be seen from up to 1500 miles away. Their legacy of being carried by The "yay" Diablo will remain a stain on the NA region for some time to come. This is why they can't WIN VS EU LUL JULIANO OWNS UR REGION LIL BRO

#30
Sh1rpie
1
Frags
+

holy shit are all of these my copypastas

#31
Eldy
1
Frags
+

might be, i found them on the forum

#33
Sh1rpie
1
Frags
+

my legacy fr

#36
Sh1rpie
0
Frags
+

goated

#10
Eldy
1
Frags
+

keep coping EDG will win against 100T #ZmjjKKsupremacy 郑永康

中国整体
中国队将战胜美国队

Grand finals: LOUD vs EDG score: 1-3 EDG WINS

#11
number1_cNed_fan
1
Frags
+

Nani the fuck did you just fucking iimasu about watashi, you chiisai bitch desuka? Watashi'll have anata know that watashi graduated top of my class in Nihongo 3, and watashi've been involved in iroirona Nihongo tutoring sessions, and watashi have over sanbyaku perfect test scores. Watashi am trained in kanji, and watashi is the top letter writer in all of southern California. Anata are nothing to watashi but just another weeaboo. Watashi will korosu anata the fuck out with vocabulary the likes of which has neber meen mimasu'd before on this continent, mark watashino fucking words. Anata thinks that anata can get away with hanashimasing that kuso to watashi over the intaaneto? Omou again, fucker. As we hanashimasu, watashi am contacting watashino secret netto of otakus accross the USA, and anatano IP is being traced right now so you better junbishimasu for the ame, ujimushi. The ame that korosu's the pathetic chiisai thing anata calls anatano life. You're fucking shinimashita'd, akachan.

#17
MuZe
1
Frags
+

he said funniest not cringiest

#18
number1_cNed_fan
1
Frags
+

Konnichiwa! Do you watch anime desu ka? Not sugoi desu! Watashi am learning japanese through all the anime watashi watches desu. Nani about the basics desu ka? so Have anata seen Kimetsu no Yaiba desu ka? sou desu ka? What have you seen so far desu nyaa~ SUGOIIIIIII DOMESTIC NA KANOJO IS KAKKOUII DESU NE Watashi hope so desu Kore wa a fun conversation!!! Watashi love talking about anime's!!!! x3 nuzzles ~murr~ hehe Anata should watch Grand Blue desu!! Its hilarious desu! Anata should also watch One Piece >.< Watch the first episode, anata will get hooked desu yo! Anata should also watch Arifureta: from commonplace to worlds strongest, its sugoi desu Sumimasen! Watashi am very tired desu! Watashi am going to sleep >.< Have a konbanwa!!

#23
MuZe
0
Frags
+

That was too painful for watashi to read desu ka~ UwU

#12
Eldy
1
Frags
+

NA, also more commonly known as "No Achievements" is the categorically worst Region at VALORANT. They are so bad that "Br0nzil, Region owned by TenzedZombie", beat them in the grand finals. No Achievements is the world-leading VALORANT region at speedrunning 0 VALORANT Champions victories in the world, marginally beating out APAC, more commonly known as "Arrive at Airport and Achievements Cucked". They are commonly the best Region in the world at trash talking EU while only having won 2 Majors L****

#14
BairyHalls
0
Frags
+

meow

#15
Diebs
0
Frags
+

You will never be a real incel. You have no autism, you have no negative canthal tilt, you have no deep seated emotional resentment. You are a well-adjusted man twisted by irony and memes into a crude mockery of a stone cold virgin.

All the “rejection” you get is two-faced and half-hearted. Behind your back girls love you. Your parents are proud and happy for you, "Stacies” swoon over your masculine appearance behind closed doors.

Women are utterly smitten with you. Thousands of years of evolution have allowed women to sniff out chads with incredible efficiency. Even incels who “pass” look strong and charismatic to a woman. Your deep voice and good sense of humor are a dead giveaway. And even if you manage to earn a little online incel clout, you'll get cancelled the second your DMs get leaked and everybody gets a glimpse of the e-girls thirsting over you.

You will never be depressed. You wrench out a fake "tfw no gf" every single morning and tell yourself it’s going to be miserable, but deep inside you feel the happiness creeping up like a weed, ready to bless you with unshakeable confidence.

Eventually it’ll be too much to bear - you’ll find a girlfriend, marry her, knock her up, and have seven healthy kids together. Your parents will praise you, happy but a little bit sentimental now that their little boy has finally grown up. They’ll spoil the kids with candies and toys, and every acquaintance for the rest of your life will know that you're a fakecel. Eventually you will pass on surrounded by your loved ones. Your body will decay and go back to the dust, and all that will remain of your legacy is a family that misses you dearly.

This is your fate. This is what you chose. There is no turning back.

#19
Eldy
-1
Frags
+

"Your aim is insane." Steel said, as he slipped his feminine hand into Tarik's pants and smirked. "Are you trying to spray me?" protests Tarik, as Steel blushes, the boyish figure undressed before Tarik. "Weak ass eco play, Steel." The two kissed, deeply and passionately, and afterwards Tarik dropped his Kayo molly into Steel's open bombsite.

#20
Eldy
0
Frags
+

The OpTech Supremacy is a term referring to the Valorant roster of OpTic Gaming, and their odd tendency to call pauses both technical and strategic at the most opportune times during a match. Three players from the former roster which was disbanded at the start of Valorant's franchising system earlier this year, along with coach Chet ''Chet'' Singh, who are all now on NRG, continue the tradition of pauses that are triggered at such good times it is suspicious. Even though they are on a different team, these 4 individuals sustain the legendary ''OpTech Strat''.

Oh my god is that a motherfucking geometry dash reference? Holy shit they finally made a reference about my favorite game called geometry dash. Last time someone was having depression and i said "conical depression." Because conical depression is a gd level and my mom became furious get it? Because it is a gd reference. Did someone just said tartarus mythology?1 That is like the hardest demon in my favorite game called geometry dash, i also someone was having a cold sweat recently and i said it's a gd reference, i got kicked out but at least i said "Oh my god, is that a motherfucking geometry dash reference?!" Also someone on twitter posted about their zodiac sign and I said "Zodiac?! That's a gd level." And i got blocked by them, but at least it's worth it because i said it's a gd reference. Also, one time i saw a snake owner crying from agony because he saw his snake eating himself which is hilarious because it means ouroboros which is a gd level by a top creator named viprin, and the snake owner kicked me out of his house but it was worth it because it's a gd reference. Someone just posted on Twitter saying "We are having a sunset sandstorm on our house pls help us, we're literally gonna be suffocated on the sand." And I said, "Oh my god, is that a motherfucking geometry dash reference?!" And i got blocked by crohn44 because I said it's a gd reference. Yesterday, my mom said, "I'm gonna decode something." And I said, "Oh my god is that a motherfucking geometry dash reference?!" And I got beaten with a belt by my mom, but at least it was worth it because it's a gd reference.

bro listen up, u the worst valorant player i ever seen, ur aim is shakier than ur moms legs after i smashed her, and ur brain must be working slower than the halflife of a xenon 124 atom. u a garbonzo bean, a complete waste of internet connection. u need to step up ur game or just stick to playing tic tac toe on ur calculator.

Have you heard of the ScreaM cult? Legend has it that if you recite the phrase "one tap, two tap, three tap, four, ScreaM is the best, I want more" while holding a framed picture of ScreaM and spinning around three times, he will appear before you and grant you the power of the one-tap.

But beware, for the power of the one-tap comes with a cost. You will become obsessed with headshots and will start to see everything as a target. You may even find yourself trying to one-tap your friends in real life.

Legend has it that once you join the ScreaM cult, you will be given a secret code name that only other cult members will know. Your new identity will be based on your favorite type of potato. If you like French fries, you'll be known as "FryScreaM". If you prefer mashed potatoes, you'll be known as "MashScreaM".

The cult members also believe that ScreaM has the ability to manipulate time and space. They believe that if you pray to him hard enough, he can turn back time and erase all your bad rounds from existence. They even go as far as to say that if you reach a high enough level of devotion, you can travel through time and play VALORANT matches with ScreaM himself in the future.

I’m literally so down bad for viper. I would let her do whatever science experiment she wants on me as long as I get to inhale her farts. Just the thought of her voice makes my 9 inch horse cock so erect. Every single time I turn on my pc to play valorant all I can think about is vipers fat ass riding me and her eyes rolling back as I slowly put it in. I just want her to dominate me whenever she wants. I would be whatever she wants me to be. I want to fully submit to her. I just want viper mommy to use me. She could spit on me and disrespect me and I would still be the one apologizing.

If anyone wants to cosplay as viper mommy and dominate me I’m willing to take volunteers. Hmu<3

#21
durum
1
Frags
+

I was on a plane with my son when we started CRASHING! I immediately ran to the cabin to find none other than Zombs! He choked again! Luckily, the flight attendant was Tenz, who was able to land the plane safely. Zombs's legacy saved again! Shame on you Zombs!

I was attending an exam. My teacher said we can leave the class when we are finished. Suddenly just after exam started, I saw a fraud silently leaving. I asked who it is. She said, "He is Tyson "TenZ" Ngo, he is already finished, that's why he's leaving."

Last week I was on a plane to Manchester when suddenly the plane was hit by a knife. I wondered where it came from but I soon realized it was none other than Tenz missing his blade storm. Shame on you Tyson for almost killing me!

I cleaned my room today. While sweeping under the bed, I heard my mop collide with something. To my surprise, I found TenZ hiding under my bed! My dad said “don’t bother sweeping him son, hes been dusted for months” I was shocked but not surprised.

Last week I was on a plane to Sao Paulo when suddenly the plane was hit by a missile. I wondered where it came from but I soon realized it was none other than Deffo missing his showstopper. Shame on you Deffo for almost killing me!

#25
Eldy
1
Frags
+

'Last week I was on a plane to Manchester when suddenly the plane was hit by a knife. I wondered where it came from but I soon realized it was none other than Tenz missing his blade storm. Shame on you Tyson for almost killing me!'

AHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA

#24
Eldy
0
Frags
+

Jett from valorant is so fucking sexy I can't begin to explain how tasty her ass would be. I mean all that jumping and movement would be one hell of a workout that would just substantialy colossalise her South Korean butt. I don't know man, just listening to the noises she makes when she updrafts can make me get off at least 14 times just from one voiceline. Whenever she pulls out her knives I can just imagine her on top of me, like the submissive male I am with her just cutting me open. Fuck, just the thought of her licking my blood and eating my organs just gives me the chills and makes me so horny. Please somebody make Jett in real life.

"touch grass" is not an insult towards gamers, rather it is advice for them. When participating in intense periods of gaming, the human hand has a tendency to get sweaty. The sweat causes the hand to become slick, and it b becomes more difficult to retain a grip on the gamers gaming mouse, thus making it more difficult to perform well in intense gaming moments. By touching grass with the gamers hand, the grass will impart a layer of particulate onto the gamers hand, the particulate can be made of a variety of dusts, dirts and other natural matter. This particulate will then act in a similar form to climbers chalk, absorbing the sweat and drying out the gamers hand. With dry hands, the gamer can now perform to their maximum when gaming. This is why when an enemy or teammate tells you to touch grass, they are simply trying to assist you in performing better.

#26
Schneefeuer1
0
Frags
+

Hey Sen City, big fucking changes, huh? Well guess fucking what? We're making more fucking roster changes for the 4th fucking time this season! While you may have no fucking reason to believe that roster changes are going to fix this fucking team after the last 3 fucking times it didn't work, please just fucking trust us this fucking time! Sure, we may lack an experienced fucking IGL, poor Zekken who was lead to fucking believe that he would spend the fucking split with 2 of his former XSET boys is now on his fucking own, we may have fucking failed to explain to our own fans as to why we parted ways with our incredibly experienced fucking coach, Syyko, but this is the fucking team the fans fucking want. Go Sentinels!

#28
Eldy
0
Frags
+

FUCKING STREAMERS ORG FR

#27
Eldy
0
Frags
+

hey, sorry I saw your profile and I just thought you looked cute in your picture, I really wanted to tell you that)) It's really rare to see girls playing video games haha! I don't know why its a guy thing honestly im like really against misogyny and like ill be the one in the kitchen making sandwiches. We should really play csgo sometime its a really cool fps game with a lot of scary moments, but don't worry ill be there to protect you ;) sorry that wasnt flirting I swear Im just trying to be friendly I really like your profile picture sorry was that too far? Really sorry i'm really shy I don't go out much haha add me on skype we should talk more you look really nice and fun xxx

#32
mrGoudas
0
Frags
+

i was having fun at the waterslide when suddenly i noticed a big shadow covering the entire pool i looked up and there i saw him, Ardiis. He was coming straight for me, he jumped into the pool and the velocity of the wave that followed knocked me unconcious.

When i woke up i was chained in a cold and dirty room and there he was, streaming the popular shooter game VALORANT on Twitch while talking to his chat, somehow he managed to say the word "bro" 254 times in just 3 sentences how is that even possible?? I quickly realised that the chains were actually made of chocolate, confused (and mainly hungry) i started licking and sucking them as fast as i could and managed to crawl out of the room -that i presumed was probably his mothers basement- while remaining unseen.

I searched around the house for an exit and i quickly found the front door. As soon as i exited the building i saw a horde of angry Brazilians holding blowtorches and pitchforks chanting at ardiis and calling him a racist and a loser. I didn't really care so i tried to get out of the scene as soon as possible but just as i was about to step out of the house, ardiis put his enormous hand on my shoulder and whispered with a soft and melodic tone in my ear "You're not going anywhere pumpkin pie" and "Daddy's gonna take care of this swifly". He stepped out of the house and suddenly yelled "WATCH THIS" as he flamboyantly dashed into the air and suddenly made 5 knives materialise around him. He used the knives to effortlessly tap every single brazilian in the area.

I was so afraid, blood was spilled everywhere. When it all was over ardiis looked in my direction and i knew that it was over, if they didnt stand a chance, then i wouldnt either, so i just gave up. Ardiis started walkingin my direction each step making the ground shake. When he got to me he just sat down on me saying that i got cold and he needed to warm me up. After a while he took me inside the smelly basement again and took his clothes off. He started smelling me and licking my ear, and then he suddenly got very embarrased and told me i can just leave.

Turns out that this was a huge misunderstanding, this whole time he thought that i was a chocolate egg and he wanted to eat me. The disappointment on his face when he realized the mistake he had done was palpable, a tangible testament to the depth of his sorrow.

#35
ashwagandha
0
Frags
+

Hello, this is James Emerson, Customer Relationship Manager of Delta Airlines. We are looking for our last passenger Cloud9 to join Sentinels and Envy for the flight from Berlin (BER) to Los Angeles (LAX). This is a public service announcement, thank you for your attention.

this is very old, from champs 2021 iirc

#37
Kjblep
0
Frags
+

Ooo Hulk Hogan yea.. you say you don’t know where the Macho Man is comin’ from, yea, you’re right.. you don’t know anything about the Macho Man, Randy Savage, or where I’m comin’ from.. because it’s MIND BOGGLIN’ TO YA, YEA!

#38
luobinghes1foothappywand
0
Frags
+

K-KITTEN??? WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?? I THOUGHT WE WERE 4LIFERS!! 🤬🤬 WE WATCHED SKIBIDI TOILET TOGETHER, SAND THE SONG, DRANK GRIMACE SHAKES TOGETHER, ETC!! 🔪🔪 THIS IS NOT FUNNY!! 👿👿👿 alpha scratches you and you die W-WAIT, NO KITTEN!! I DIDNT MEAN TO! WAKE UP!! PLEASE!! NO!!!! MY OHIO LEVEL THREE GYAT ONE TWO BUCKLE MY SHOE LIGHTSKIN STRARE KITTEN!! NOOOOOOOOO!! IM SO SORRY!!!! WAKE UP, PLEASE!! ⛓️⛓️⛓️⛓️⛓️⛓️⛓️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤👿👿👿👿👿👿🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪 i-i must go... i hurt my kitten, the one i swore to protect no matter the cost. i'm so sorry kitten. daddy loves you. 🖤

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