derke emerges from a wormhole above split, wielding two operator rifles duct‑taped together holding them sideways and repping o block.
asuna, riding a unicorn yells, “derke baby you forgot the spike” before crash‑landing into junk junction.
aspas is gooning mid‑map, levitating 3 feet above the ground on astra timing, when suddenly 14 neon clones of what appears to be eggster and zekkens child appear and start bunny‑hopping around him chanting “eco fragger, eco fragger!”
meanwhile, saadhak calls a timeout not to strategize, but to order brazilian barbecue mid‑round, as he thinks that a full stomach means a full brain.
in the chaos, tarik materializes in ghost form on stage screaming “content!” as the casters dissolve into holograms.
then, a mysterious sixth player named “VCTA Player 2” spawns in wearing full chamber gear, instantly headshots everyone, and vanishes into sewers, never to be seen again.
the next day, the valorant devs nerf walking and jemkin is wheelchair bound.
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